Man lives for his encoun­ters and lives by his encoun­ters. In an encounter a pecu­li­ar syn­ergy is at work: the har­mo­ni­ous togeth­er­ness of two people yields not merely their numer­ic­al sum: 1 + 1 = 2, but the rela­tion­ship between them is also worth at least as much as the two of them, that is, 1 + 1 = 3. And here the stress falls on the har­mo­ni­ous encounter. Often oppos­ites attract, at other times like meets like, and no single for­mula holds good.

In the phys­ic­al world attrac­tion makes itself felt, for example, in the form of grav­ity, and among people it does so in their encoun­ters, in their rela­tion­ships.

Men are born for one anoth­er. Either teach them, then, or bear with them. (Mar­cus Aure­li­us)

It is a com­mon­place that man is a social being, and yet it is true. Even lone wolves get togeth­er now and then, and most people live with a part­ner. Yet it mat­ters wheth­er you live with your part­ner or merely with that part­ner's false ego.

When people's egos meet, the res­ult is insult, hurt and mutu­al dis­par­age­ment. Such a union is dull and ignor­ant in char­ac­ter and leads to a loss of energy, so we may also call it a sickly state of exist­ence.

The encounter of bod­ies is pas­sion­ate in char­ac­ter. Doubt­less it can be full of delight and give pleas­ure. The sen­su­al man draws his hap­pi­ness from the bod­ily-sen­su­al sphere. Among its other sheaths, the soul is also envel­oped in a sheath of delight, and in the sexu­al act it is from this that delight is released. A life togeth­er foun­ded on the body mostly lasts only as long as the bod­ies are able to sat­is­fy each other. The encounter of bod­ies is the state of exist­ence based on pleas­ure.

When hearts meet, the res­ult is a far high­er degree of ful­fil­ment. It is marked by sta­bil­ity, wis­dom and hap­pi­ness, and this rela­tion­ship, tinged with good­ness, leads to a kind of har­mo­ni­ous per­fec­tion. This is the true state of exist­ence based on con­nec­tion.

Finally, the encounter of souls is a rela­tion­ship on the spir­itu­al level. Here shared spir­itu­al goals and ideals, exper­i­en­cing divine love first-hand and serving it, form the guid­ing theme. This we may call a state of exist­ence truly based on love. After this, the levels of human encounter can be tran­scen­ded, when man strives to cla­ri­fy his rela­tion­ship with God.

As a rule, people marry not flesh-and-blood human beings but the fantasy they take them to be. Yet what is excit­ing in mar­riage is pre­cisely com­ing to under­stand what our part­ner is like. In West­ern cul­ture people usu­ally fall in love and then marry, although accord­ing to the French say­ing love is the dawn of mar­riage and mar­riage the twi­light of love. In the East, by con­trast, people often marry and then learn to love each other. The start­ing point is dif­fer­ent.

Today the greatest sin is the abstract love of people, the imper­son­al love for those who are some­where far away… It is so easy to love people we do not know, people we never meet. For then we need make no sac­ri­fice, and all the while we are so pleased with ourselves! Thus we cheat our con­science. No, love the neigh­bour you live with, the one who is a bur­den to you! (Leo Tol­stoy)

Mar­riage should not be merely an alli­ance of mater­i­al and sen­su­al interests. What mat­ters is not that you change the other, but that you your­self become a fit­ting part­ner. Learn to value what you have. Dis­con­tent turns even a pos­sible heav­en into a cer­tain hell. Suc­cess depends on two people, but for fail­ure one is enough.