The old man was loitering around the crowd. People made a show of being busy, though some were merely moving along with the rest unconsciously, almost helplessly, while others strode with purpose and resolve. The crowd surged to and fro, and in counterpoint the old vendor with the furrowed face was present as an outsider. That is the best word for it: he was present. In his own inner peace, in his timelessness, he took part in the scene. He both took part and did not. Though the crowd surged and the old man drifted in one and the same square, they did not live in one and the same world. Could the old man have been an angelic apparition – or a spirit that had manifested here, in the market square? He disguises himself so well that his airy spirit-nature does not show, but if I look more closely, I see he is here, and yet he is not here. A truly mysterious figure in the picture.
The old man was selling figs. Hung round his neck on a makeshift rope was a broad, flat wicker tray, and on it dried figs in clumsy little bags, and other treats. Packets large and small, figs wrapped in transparent paper, a little change, slips of paper. Most of the crowd paid the old man no heed, and he was not much bothered either. True, he would address someone now and then – After all, I am supposed to be a vendor! – but he did not mind that they hardly noticed him. And yet I have the feeling that he sees everything. His eyes squint now, as old men’s do, but nothing limits his clear sight. The nondescript exterior conceals a mysterious interior, and the faraway eyes of the old follow everything and everyone with an attentive gaze. This is the particular mark of the great ones – they are present in such a way that no one even notices them, yet they see everything.
His face is furrowed. His coat is worn. His gaze is searching. Feebly, or rather hesitantly, he steps up to someone, with no hope of response or attention, says his piece as he offers his wares, and is glad if a buyer or two turns up. Perhaps the figs are not the point at all. What if the slips of paper carry some timeless message, and the lucky buyer is enriched not only with a sweet treat, but with the ambrosia of the gods, the message of wisdom? The purchase is a secret initiation. It is not the wares that change hands; instead, a mystical, sacred bond is formed, reaching from soul to soul. The old man’s eyes see further than anyone’s in the bustling crowd. It is as if he were looking for a candidate, or a novice, one who is fit to receive the teaching, one worthy of the divine secrets. Surely he also knows on which day he will meet the candidate who bears the sign, invisible to others, of being chosen, of being anointed. He knows this is not the day, and yet here he is, standing, loitering, stepping up to someone, moving on.
And how strange it all is?! The fig… a fruit of paradise, the gift of the gods, perfect just as it is. Like a money pouch tied shut, it hides its sweet interior. Its many seeds seem to stand for the countless gold pieces of holy wisdom, of the divine secret, seeds in which everything lies hidden, seeds that may one day sprout, seeds that may come to bear fruit. No matter if hardly anyone buys today, the seeds are waiting for the worthy and fit candidate.
The group that had gathered into a crowd suddenly disperses. The crowd faded back into transience, the old man remained in eternity. Only a handful of people still linger in the square, and the old man, turned inward, in inner serenity, counts and recounts his meagre takings. He pushes the coins this way and that, but they grow no more for it. I sense this is not why he does it at all.
I too was part of the group, and I too had already moved on. And only now did I understand the mistake I had made. I bought no figs. I had no need of the figs, and it may be that the old man would have had no need of me either, as a customer. It seems I am not the chosen one, and what I bear is not the sign of being chosen but the seal of transience…
But what if it were my own father standing all day long in the market square? Or my grandfather scraping the pennies together? I bought no figs…