There are two kinds of people, one hold­ing friend­ship to be the noblest human feel­ing, the other love. Mont­esquieu said: I am in love with friend­ship…

Why are social ties import­ant to human beings? Why do we think and pon­der so much about friend­ship and love? Per­haps because we are social beings by nature? Because man is made of emo­tion, and there is much to learn from that?

We regard friend­ship as an ideal situ­ation in life. A deeply per­son­al rela­tion­ship, a lofty spir­itu­al tie, a shared vibra­tion, sup­port in ideals – noth­ing but ideal thoughts. Com­plete under­stand­ing, even without words, trust, a com­mu­nion of thoughts and feel­ings, dis­in­ter­ested self­less­ness, where the hall­mark is not explain­ing one­self but stand­ing up for the other uncon­di­tion­ally. Friend­ship is the very oppos­ite of emo­tion­al bar­ren­ness, for one will go through fire for a friend.

Time dis­tils friend­ships, per­haps by win­now­ing our feel­ings, but also by mak­ing them ever finer. Ideal friend­ship can­not be altered by cir­cum­stance. Many hold it to be the highest human feel­ing because it endures even bey­ond the grave. And yet there are legends of bad friend­ships and bad friends, though in truth there are no such things, for those are neither friends nor friend­ships.

A false friend is like a shad­ow – it keeps you com­pany only while the Sun shines.

The ques­tion is wheth­er we should seek the ideal, or settle for less? Can the ideal be heightened? As Erasmus fam­ously said: Plato is my friend, Socrates is my friend, but truth is my friend above all. Ideal friend­ship embraces this level of ideals, yet seems to go bey­ond it as well. Friend­ship is love lived out, car­ried into prac­tice, and friend­ship in prin­ciple alone falls short. Friend­ship is not to be talked about, but lived.

My broth­er is not neces­sar­ily my friend, but my friend is neces­sar­ily my broth­er. Friend­ship is a spir­itu­al bond without desire, the uplift­ing feel­ing that togeth­er we come from one place. The ground of trust, belong­ing togeth­er, think­ing togeth­er. Friend­ship is the clas­sic answer to life.

For the very good, friend­ship is not a feel­ing but a way of see­ing the world. For them, friend­ship is a mat­ter not of self-interest but of a state of con­scious­ness. There may exist a man who meets every­one in friend­ship, and yet some may count even him their enemy. Ideal friend­ship is self­less in this, too. He who is a mas­ter of friend­ship is a good friend to many, yet for him­self a few are enough, or even one.

I hold friend­ship to be even more import­ant than friends. The human atti­tude. This is how one must approach every­one. One must live in the atmo­sphere of friend­ship… (János Pil­in­szky)

The ques­tion must be asked: what do you love in your friend? That he sup­ports you, that he under­stands you, that he awakens good feel­ings in you? A friend is a mir­ror, and in him you love either your­self or the very thing that dif­fers from you. If you are a good friend to your­self, you will dis­cov­er the friend and friend­ship in oth­ers too.

Friend­ship is a human feel­ing, indeed, per­haps more than human. Can friend­ship be a divine gift? Per­haps that is why it is so hard to put into words. If friend­ship is of heav­enly ori­gin, then it is sac­red and invi­ol­able, and you may join with the other per­son not only in his phys­ic­al form but in his very being. And in this way you may draw near not only to your fel­low men but to God as well. What is more, through friend­ship you draw near to God, and through God to people. The abso­lute friend is the good Lord. This is what we all seek. Friend­ship exists…