I sit in the dark room, or rather not dark, for a few candles wrest the space, a circle of light, from the world of darkness. There is the great dark, and there is the small circle of light, beside which the great darkness, for all its size, is dwarfed. Which of them, I wonder, is the stronger?
The practice is simple: hours ago, from one large candle, someone began a garland of light made of slender tapers, and the task is to keep it, pass it on, light the flame from the candle before it, keep it, secure the handover, pass it on. We, the keepers of the light, relieve one another, and the brightness is unbroken. The candle of the one who went before me is still burning, only a dwindling stub by now, it is true, but it still gives light. Boldly I light my own candle from its flame, now two are shining, and these small lights, the lights of each single candle, once added together, are no longer light at all but brightness. The smaller one dwindles, wanes, its light dies down, the wax-body shrinks and so does the flame, then it flares one last time, smoke rises, and its light fades beyond recall. I have witnessed a true metamorphosis: the wax from who knows where did not merely change its state of matter, as water turns to vapour, but was transmuted, the coarse matter became pure energy, the candle turned wholly into light.
The other candle's brightness remains, the garland of light is immortal. And when must the brightness be kept? In the darkness, naturally. If darkness is not the master, then it is really the brightness that keeps us. Now the situation seems reversed, as if I were keeping the light, though in fact the light is playing with me.
And play it does, for the candle's flame now flares up, now shrinks, at one moment dwindles to blue, at another rears up in golden light. At times it burns the wick into a sooty hook, and when the soot drops, the flame flares up again. Or it shines without a tremor, then flickers, begins to dance, and seems to tear itself free of its source, the wick.
The tapers lie in a little heap, a mere handful, in a small basket, and that is where I took mine from too. They are calibrated candles, a span long, very thin, and they burn for half an hour. One would think that in the middle of the night time passes slowly, but no, it positively flies. The candle burns slowly, and time flies swiftly. Could it be that the candle is burning up the time around it?
Now it seems to burn faster, suddenly a good two fingers' width of it is gone, then its waning slows, and as I gaze at the candle I come to realise that it is not the candle I see but brightness itself. From the object I have arrived at the idea. Seen like this, the light is quite different, it reveals more of itself, it is warmer, and precious, as though it were pure gold trickling from the flame in every direction. Suddenly the sight of the candle splits in two, now two flames are flickering, two tapers stand planted in the sand. This double vision soon settles back into the sight of the one true candle, and yet it seems the candle's flame did not multiply by chance. Perhaps so that it might make its home in me?
I might think that I feed the light, when in fact the candle's light feeds me. Soul-fire, candle-light, Sunlight… everything is connected with everything. To feed on light – this is not the work of the stomach, this is not taking in ballast, no. Light is the noblest quality, the subtle food of consciousness and the soul, the ambrosia of the gods.
Meanwhile time passes and my candle wanes – but am I growing any fatter? Am I filling up with brightness? And anxiety seizes me, soon I am huddled before the ever-shrinking stub, because my relief is late, and later still. I cast spells on the brightness, I beg my candle to burn more slowly, but it only goes on waning… I, a fallible man, err, but the ideal man does not err. I feared the changeover would come too late and the chain of light would break, but my relief has arrived, and I may go. An ideal situation: even if we go, the brightness stays here, and it will always have a keeper.
In the end, the keeping of the light found its true meaning at sunrise – we had only been keeping the lamp, but at the break of dawn the Sun rose radiant, the source of all lights…